Coping with an Autistic Child
It is always extremely difficult when you realize and accept that your precious child has problems, and the social problems caused by having some level of autism can be particularly trying. Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD is a set of symptoms to describe many different ways of coping with the world, but autistic children will generally be socially inept in some way, struggle with logic or fairness, may hit or be physical with other children, and will often get so worked up about something that it is literally called a 'melt down' when their brain can't focus on anything but what is upsetting them. High or extreme sensitivity to sounds, lights, textures, and patterns can also be symptoms of autism.
Going through the diagnosis process itself can be challenging, as it generally involves recurring visits to a pediatrician, a psychologist, and possibly other specialists such as speech pathologists and occupational therapists (OT). However, once you have a diagnosis, you can start to access funding for therapy and can help your child to learn to navigate the world better. Here are a few ways to cope with your autistic child.
Not Perfect, But Consistent
As a parent, you won't always be perfect in your responses to your child, whether that child is autistic or not, but autistic children do tend to value consistency and prefer rules and statements that are black and white. It is much easier for a child with autism to understand a set rule, "you must not touch this", as opposed to a confusing rule that says, "you can touch it sometimes, but not all the time."
It is better to keep the consistency rather than bend the rules, just this once, even if it would be more convenient to change the rules. For example, setting a good bedtime routine and consistent bedtime is extremely helpful to your child, especially an autistic child. Keeping that same bedtime is helpful, even on weekends and holidays, because the autistic child responds well to consistent rules.
Go Slow on Change
Where possible, introduce changes slowly, giving your autistic child time to assimilate the need for the change, and to get used to the idea. Many parents have found the creation of social stories helpful in preparing a child for a new environment, such as starting school.
Prior to your child going into a new environment, find out as much as possible about what to expect. Talk to the teacher, take photos of the classroom, and even of the daily routines that the child can expect. Then put the photos together with the information in a book or story you can read with your child several times before the change occurs. The change will always be difficult for your autistic child, but preparation will help.
Often, even small changes need to be announced and time is given. Moving from one activity to another can need a bit of warning and time. Parents of autistic children become experts at saying, "In two minutes, x will happen." A further warning one minute later and sometimes even a countdown of the last few seconds helps an autistic child mentally prepare for the change of doing something new, even if it is an everyday task, like eating lunch.
Get Help When You Can
You do not have to do this alone. Getting a good OT and psychologist who will work as a team with you and your school will help your child to cope with school. Your school counseling department may be a great place to get help, or your local doctor may be able to refer you to professionals who understand and work with autistic children to help them better understand the world they live in.
Since consistency is important for autistic children, parents often find that getting babysitting is difficult. Parents of autistic children can feel isolated from other parents who don't understand why their child is reacting differently to others, or who don't understand why you have to be so strict about sticking to a schedule.
Join online parenting groups for parents with autistic children and meet in person when you can with local ones. Find a good babysitter who does understand your child's needs and uses that service as regularly as you can to give yourself a break. You may want to teach a good family friend or relative the daily routine so they can help to babysit sometimes. You can access trained carers for children with disabilities or special needs in some communities.
Remember, especially when dealing with the meltdown and the emotional aftermath that inevitably follows, that you are not the only parent in the world dealing with an autistic child. However, the more you learn how your child sees the world, the more you will be able to find ways to help them to cope with that, and the less frequent meltdowns will become. While you are not alone in being a parent of an autistic child, your child is unique, and what works for one autistic child may not work for yours. In the end, you'll become the expert on your child and will be their strongest advocate, helping them to access the help and tools they need to cope.
Parenting an autistic child may be challenging, but it will also be an experience that brings you joy. Sometimes you'll celebrate something other parents take for granted, like your child managing to say hello to someone you meet and almost meeting their eyes, or your child not having a meltdown before getting dressed for the first time in a week; and sometimes you'll be exhausted because your child just needs more of your time and energy than others. One day, your child will surprise you with a token of affection or find a way to communicate how much you mean to them, and you'll know it was all worth it.
